An asshole's basic guide to catcalling

by - 10 November

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Boy or girl. Man or woman of any age. Have you ever heard of catcalling? Well let me tell you, it's a very powerful thing. It can make your ego and sense of worth soar through the roof just by doing "seemingly innocent" things to other people! *wink*.

You might think that that's dangerous. That you don't want to do uncomfortable and disrespectful things to other people.There're bound to be repercussions right?

And I admit yes, there are. But good news is they're not on your head! The ones who'll feel the negative repercussions are the ones you catcall and the people who notice the catcalling. Over time society in general will think that catcalling is perfectly okay, normal and to be expected. So you won't find anyone stopping you and/or (god forbid) beating you up!

Here are some basic notes to start you on your perverse and satisfying journey.

  1. Make sure the person is by themselves. Standing or walking on the street (crowded or not) — it doesn't matter.
  2. Socially acceptable greetings like "Hi/Good Morning/Good Evening Miss/Love/BabeAte", "Hello beautiful/gorgeous/sexy" can be used. 
  3. But if you're feeling like a dog in heat "Sarap/Delicious/Yummy/Yum", "Dayum Girl" "You can sit on my face all day" or "Here puss puss puss" are usable too.
  4. You can match what you say with a leer, lip smack, smooch noises and "mmmm" sounds as well.
  5. Make sure they're walking and you're standing, they're standing and you're walking OR you're both walking when you say and/or shout your preferred terms/sentences. This ensures that they won't know who actually said it and/or they'll be too scared/busy to actually stop and confront you about it.
  6. You can even do it from your vehicle! Just shout or whistle loudly enough for them to hear. You're completely safe because you're on the road and there's an easy getaway. Kinda like drive-thru!
  7. Remember you can only shout when you're at a safe distance and or when you're with your "bros". There is strength in numbers. And you'd want to impress them with your catcalling skills. Great ego boost and plus points from your friends.
  8. As much as possible wait until your target and you are exactly parallel and close enough for you to whisper your greetings and/or compliments. 
  9. Yes. Whispering is the medium of choice in the Philippines. This is what discreet people do to not attract any attention from other people they're not catcalling. Whispering is more powerful that way —it's more intimate.
  10. Don't worry if you think that person's a minor. If they look like a passable adult to you, or even if they don't. Catcall away. It's to condition society that people are and can be like this and getting encounters like this from the streets at an everyday basis is the norm.
  11. Always remember, if you get caught or if you get confronted. Act innocent. As innocent as the day you were born. Be defensive if you have to. Blame the person for wearing "so and so" because if they didn't want to get attention they wouldn't  wear "so and so". Doesn't matter if it's subjective and these are just your opinions. Blame the clothes. Go as far as to say they were "asking for it" then angrily storm off. Don't let them waste your time and kill the ego boost you just got.
Now you're equipped! Go forth and shape society into a mold where these things cannot and will not be stopped.



"Just because it's what's been done, doesn't mean it's what should be done."

I don't know if you can tell but this was a completely sarcastic post. A satire. I tried to justify what comes into these people's minds but it just can't be justified. 

It's really all about power. People who catcall and go as far as to stalk and hurt you if you don't acknowledge their "compliments" do exist and that's a really valid and scary thing.

Stop doing this. Stop people from doing this. Why do they not understand this? Why can't they comprehend? You can try to stop them by a shout to the harasser or a simple "Hey are you okay?" to the one being harassed just to make them feel that you yourself, saw that inappropriate behavior and you're not just gonna turn a blind eye. 


PS. Yeah I got the quote from Cinderella 2015. It's a great quote.
PPS. These are just SOME of the generous "compliments" women in your life get thrown with whenever they go out alone or in the company of other women.
PPPS. We talk/shout back. We walk faster. We ignore. Nothing so far works as far as my experience has taught me. It's hard to hold them accountable because they'll exclaim innocence and no other person on the street will help you mainly because "It's none of their business."

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